i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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