do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
