i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
