I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
