This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
