i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
