I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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