So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
