If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
