She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
