woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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