I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize