So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
