I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
