just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
