Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
