I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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