I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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