Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize