so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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