all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
