Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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