final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
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I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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