the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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