Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
