He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
