He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
