he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
