I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
