Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
