i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
