If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
