What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
