Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
