The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.