I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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