Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
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Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.