ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles