Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why are your pants in the freezer?