i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
