I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
