not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
