There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
