Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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