Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize