your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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