Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
