so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
