I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
