Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
