I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
