Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
