Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
