K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and she was petting her beer can
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
