Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
