While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
