Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
