Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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